A simple thought, which changed the way I think

"What we dislike most in ourselves is what we accuse others of being."

This quote rattled my thought process. I was left recovering, all alone, in the corners of my room, which now felt like a hospital ward to me. My mind was completely numb after almost 3 hours of constant mental debate.

Does this mean we are what we see others as? Doesn't this make me a warehouse of all the defects I keep running from? Ain't I the biggest hypocrite alive then?

The self loathing kept increasing as the mind kept asking questions, the answers to which, were not very soothing either. The more I tried to defend my ego, the more powerful the quote seemed to be. It was lashing me up inside my brain. It made me recall every negative statement I had ever made for anyone. Suddenly, I was in an apologetic mood. My inside was crumbling and I was saying sorry to every person whom I had criticised over these 21 years, all inside my head. I found it difficult to accept but it seemed quite logical to me at the same time.

It even seemed to follow the law of attraction. The law of attraction simply states that whatever thoughts we send out to the universe, we get it back. So, when we let out negative thoughts for others, we were actually attracting them back at us. Thus, making us what we think of others.

Even from the point of view of Karma, it seemed perfectly meaningful. You reap what you sow. What goes around, comes back around. Maybe this was God's own way to make sure we never said anything ill about anyone. He wanted us all to be pristine like a kid, but all we turned out to be was, a vituperative, ill mannered, discourteous little imp.

The weird vacuum right at the centre of my chest kept growing with every thought. I had to stop, someway... anyway!! I didn't know how. I tried to take deep breaths, but every breath contributed to the suffocation. I was feeling claustrophobic in the comforts of my very own room. I tried drinking some water, it helped, but only for a few seconds. 

Then the thoughts started to become more objective- Am I judgemental? Am I a bit too happy-go-lucky? Do I care for others' needs? Do I value the love I get from my close ones? Am I too unsympathetic at times? Am I selfish? Am I snobbish? Am I.. ? Am I.. ??

I don't know how and when, but between all this commotion, somehow, I felt asleep.

The next morning was a relief, the headache had disappeared, the chest seemed lighter and the vision was less blurry. In fact, the day seemed a lot more brighter than it was. I had solved one of the biggest mysteries of life and everything seemed far less complicated. I knew now, that for eternal happiness and for others' appreciations, all we needed to do, was to love and appreciate them back. It's like a cycle of joy. A ball which just needs to be rolled, and then it'll keep rolling.

"Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances" ~The Secret

Handbook of friendship!

A lot of people take me to be very "complicated". They feel I have a "sort of a split personality". So, I thought of providing you with a list of qualities, rather a list of mutual agreements, which everyone expects to have with a friend. Consider this as a gift I am expecting this Friendship's Day.

The list of "do's" and "don'ts" as a friend :-

• Don't be judgemental : The very first thing that draws someone towards another person is the trust that "I can be 'ME' in front of him/her". If one gets a feeling that they're under the scanner for every move they make and every word they say, they are bound to feel imprisoned. Be a বন্ধু, not a boss. Be a comrade, not a commander. 

• Don't hear, listen : As the most famous communication funda under the marketing management goes, listen, don't just hear. You might hear things which make no sense, but if you try to LISTEN to what one says, you will feel definitely feel a lot more content.

• Don't gossip : Never gossip about anyone to me. Especially if I don't know the person you are gossiping about. All it does is create an image of a person, whom I don't even know. No one is interested in knowing about others anyway. Everyone is a tad too busy with their lives, so who cares!

• Do listen to things which are unsaid- they generally mean the most : People generally talk about the least important things all day long. They talk balderdash when in a good mood, and the talks become even more gibberish when they are low. It's the words unsaid that matter the most. 

• Do choose your words most carefully : The words chosen when trying to prove a point should be done with utmost care. They generally hurt the most, specially when the other person knows the value of words. This might feel a bit awkward to read, but personal experiences made me write this. After all, it's the words of a near one that hurt more than an enemy's. 

• Don't take someone too seriously all the time : At times people do forget to call you, to message you, to meet you, it never means that you have been forgotten. Don't take people too seriously all the time, it makes them behave formally. 

I meant to write all this to make people know me better in the process. But these are, after all, what everyone expects. 

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
~Albert Camus 

The 'Afterlife'..

The life as we know it today, wasn't the same before the reign of the social networking sites. The men were simple beings back then and had, what we used to call it, 'a private life'. But as the empire of the social networking sites (referred to as the "RULERS" hereinafter) kept expanding, their influence kept increasing. The human race started to adapt themselves to the changing times. There were new laws, dictates, rules being added each day. The sole objective of the rulers were to impose the same age-old formula- the divide and rule policy. They, very deliberately, tried to make a human's private life- a social affair! This was a very well calculated step, on their part, as it started causing chain reactions of 'gossip', 'back-bitching', 'exaggeration' etc. This worked on the rulers' advantage as it gave rise to the feeling of REVENGE in the masses. The humans started cyber assault on each other, thus weakening the human ties of trust and dependability. These were the days when the dog was replaced by a laptop as a man's best friend. The rulers had themselves imprinted on every aspect of a human's life, their cell phones, their newspapers, the news channels- everywhere you turn your eyes, you could see the clout of the rulers. 

The historians divide the rule in 3 major phases:

1. Break of dawn (2003-2004): The rulers started to target the young and the vulnerable human group in the beginning. The teenagers were exploited as they are ever enthusiastic to try something new and hence they fell in the trap of hi5. This ruler couldn't rule for long as it was soon overpowered by its predecessors.
2. The Rising Sun (2004-2006): The predecessor to hi5, orkut, was much powerful, much more shrewd as a ruler. It targeted one and all. It wanted to bring all of human kind under its influence. Fortunately for the humans, the matured and the intelligent were not duped by it. They were to fall prey to a much bigger hunter.
3. The Noon (2006-present): The biggest, the most ferocious of the rulers the mankind has seen so far came in the late 2006s. Under the name of facebook, which was learning fast and well under orkut's reign, came forward as the WMD. It almost took complete rule of the human race, excepting the intellectuals, the celebrities, who knew the various faces of the demon. They were the last ray of hope left for the mankind, but even they had to surrender before the might of facebook's younger sister, the ever chirpy, twitter.

This last phase, as the scientists say, has been seen as the last evolutionary process in the homo sapiens. The humans have evolved and no longer are governed by the intellect. The most devastating of the tools used by the rulers are a few simple questions which the humans feel bound to answer because of the evolved brain which lacks the intellect. The questions like "What's on your mind?", "What are you doing?", "What are you up to?" etc have left the humans scampering for answers. They feel bound to answer the questions in a manner as to say what they are experiencing but without anyone actually understanding the deeper meaning. This leaves them in a state of loneliness as the people who understood don't feel like talking about it online (this new technology of conversing on the cyber space has almost made the one-on-one interaction obsolete) and the people who failed to understand the dual nature of the answer feel cheated and alienated themselves. The rulers further introduced a method of interaction through looking at each other's virtual image on the screen. This was a step to counter the physical attraction that humans feel for each other when in close vicinity. This has further weakened the hope of a human uprising. 

The future of the human race rests in the hands of the people who had given birth to this system of Social Networking Sites. They can guide the humans to a world free of the rulers by taking corrective steps. The fate of the humans also lies in YOUR hands. Take this opportunity to free yourself from the shackles of the ruler. Be free and set others of your kind free. Show them the real world which once existed, not only in our memories, but in reality. You have been empowered by this task of setting everyone free.

And remember, "With great powers, comes great responsibilities!" ~ Peter Parker

Philopohobia

Philophobia: "Philophobia is defined as the abnormal, persistent and unwarranted fear of falling in love. This affects the quality of life and pushes a person away from commitment. The worst aspect of fear of being in love and falling in love is that it keeps a person in solitude."

Reading about the dreaded psychological disorder left me a bit aback. I found myself wandering amidst clouds of uncertainty regarding my emotional and mental state of being. "I am definitely not Philophobic", kept saying my head but my heart didn't give enough arguments to counter it. And thus began another gruelling session of introspection. 


I often wander to far distant lands while thinking about myself. Helps me understand myself better. Helps me figure out how I would react in different situations, in different company. But this so called 'journey' was of different sorts. It was more like a walk through the pages of history. The parts which were lying untouched for years, which the mind had purposely forgotten. I was trudging through the jungles of -as Sigmun Freud has explained it- the subconcious mind.


A silent walk always produces more answers than our questions. This is precisely the reason why we humans don't like loneliness, because in the end, we start getting answers to the questions we don't want to ask ourselves. This episode of my short introspection was a revelation of sorts. It not only made me realise about my revulsions towards commitments and the whole idea of "falling-in-love", but also made me realise that this wasn't exactly what my 'inner-me' wanted. 


It was like I had deliberately built an invisible breastwork of concrete around me which gave everyone a good look at my thoughts, but not my feelings. They could see the ever jolly face, but not the ever yearning heart. This in the long term grew out to be a repugnance towards love. A feeling of antipathy towards romance.


I could not find the reasons behind my queer behaviour. I could only come up with the following lines:

I'm afraid of being loved now,

Afraid of the affection,

Afraid of being close to someone,

And later, the dejection..

I'm afraid to call someone mine,

Afraid to be too close,

Afraid to give myself to her,

And then, stopping the tear that flows..

I'm afraid to give her everything,

Afraid to be true,

Afraid to show her my inner-self,

And later, to be so blue..

I'm afraid of the ever prevailing fear now,

Afraid of what I've become,

Afraid to lose myself now,

And the sea of memories, that I need to overcome..!!

The introversion had to end somewhere and somehow, and the only logical answer after all the self-contemplation would come out to be just one, THE ONE..!! 

The constant fight between mind and soul, I figured out, ends only when you meet the destined partner. So have I tried to explain myself, to let things flow naturally till the time is right. Just one gloomy thought keeps sending chills down the spine, what if I do develop philophobia......... 

"All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. " ~Andre Breton

Amake amar moto thakte dao...

This post is specially for all those people who have not heard the song 'Amake amar moto thakte dao' from the movie Autograph and haven't basked in it's awesomeness yet.

This song is a result of extreme introspection and a deep understanding of the self. Being an Imperfectionist is all about knowing the inner YOU, knowing the imperfections within YOU and to spot the imperfections in others and valuing them.

The song is about a fighter, a brave loner and a passionate and respectful lover. It's about optimism, self respect and heroism. It forces you to think, to think about yourself, to think about the society, to think about your decisions.

Having said so much about the song, here goes the lyrics (with translations in English). I hope I do justice to the song as a proper translation wasn't available anywhere and I had to translate it myself. 

Amake Amar Moto Thakte Dao..

Movie: Autograph

Lyrics: Anupam Roy

Singer: Anupam Roy

Amake amar moto thakte dao,
Ami nijeke nijer moto guchiye niyechi,
Jeta chilona chilona sheta na paoyai thak,
Sab pele nashto jibon..

(Let me be myself, let me lead my own life,

I have figured myself out according to me,

The absence of certain achievements should be left that way,

Possession of everything ruins you eventually)

Tomar ei duniyar jhapsa aloy,
Kichu sandhyer guro haoa kaancher moto,
Jodi ure jete chao tobe ga bhashiye dao,
Durbine chokh rakhbona na na,
Na na na na..
Na na na na..

(Your obscure world,

Shines like broken pieces of glass in the evening sunlight,

If you wish, you can float like a speck of dust,

I won't follow you through the binoculars.)

Ei Jaahaj Mastul Chhaarkhaar,
Tobu golpo likhchi baanchbaar,
Ami rakhte chai na aar taar,
Kono raat dupur-er abdaar,
Tai cheshta korchi bar bar,
Saantre paar khonjar..

(I'm standing here, on a sinking ship, all alone,

And still I write tales of survivals,

I don't want to keep within me,

The bickering and pleading of day and night,

Still I'm trying again and again,

To swim across to the shores.)

Kokhono akash beye chup kore,
jodi neme ase bhalobasa khub bhore,
chokh bhanga ghume tumi khujo na amay,
ashe pashe ami ar nei..

(If one early morning, you silently,

rediscover your love for me,

Don't search for me with those sleepy eyes,

I'm not beside you anymore.)

amar janye alo jelo na keu,
ami manuser samudre gunechi dheu,
ei station -er chattore hariye gechi,
sesh train -e ghore phirbo na na na..
na na na na..

na na na na..

(You need not turn the lights on for me,

I've counted the waves in this sea of humans,

I lost my way in this railway station,

Not going to board the last train back home, no no..)

Ei Jaahaj Mastul Chharkhar,
Tobu golpo likhchi banchbaar,
Ami rakhte chai na ar tar,
Kono rat dupur-er abdar,
Tai cheshta korchi bar bar,
Satre par khojar...
Na na na ....


Tomar rokte ache swapno joto,
tara chhutchhe ratridin nijer moto,
kokhono somoy pele ektu bhebo,
anguler phaanke ami koi...


(All your dreams and ambitions in your blood,
They are going out of your control day and night,
If you could squeeze out some time, ponder over the fact,
That my hand is not there in the gaps between your fingers anymore.)


hiseber bhire ami chaina chhute,
joto shukno peyajkoli fridge -er sheet -e,
ami obelar daal-bhaate phuriye gechi,
gelas er jol-e bhasbo na na na
na na na na...
na na na na....


(I don't want to lose myself in this materialistic world,
The way vegetables wither in the refrigerator's cold,
I have forgotten these days of basic living,
I will not float like a speck of dust in a glass full of water.)


-----------------------------------------------------------


So, I hope my interpretation is liked and most importantly, I hope it is correct.


"If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music." ~Gustav Mahler

So, I'm here, what now?

First things first, Why call myself an 'Imperfectionist'?


Well, how many of us actually remember the people who had their lives sorted out, who were doing things exactly according to the rule book? Life is about the mistakes we make. The wrong, f****d up decisions we take. All the imperfect moments, which made us who we are today. After all, our imperfections define us!


I'm not here to write an autobiography or to explain how my life should have been or would have been. Neither do I treat this blog as my personal diary. I'm here for a simple reason, to pen down what I feel I cannot verbally explain. I'm here to give you a piece of my mind.


And a few promises before I step into this world of blogging and start polluting it:

• I promise not to kill (and rape) the English language by the use of words like btw, lol, lmao etc etc
• I promise not to turn this blog into a newspaper's sports page
• I promise I'll blame someone else for every mistake I've done in my life through this blog; and finally
• I promise to keep it simple

I read somewhere that "quotes are the best way to end something. Someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong." 

"Have no fear of perfection–you’ll never reach it." -Salvador Dali